Christmas it was...

The annual block party routine I could remember, was a relapse which most people are having from 2007. Wasn't exactly the kind where people would sit to be reminded of the so-called insightful year they had. Supposedly where people would gather to be giving and receiving, mingling, gossips subsided til late at night, drinking on wine and eggnog, lovers under mistletoe. That's just what we always have in mind.
There's always a reason why people can't wait for Christmas, and it has little to do with family reunions, or curling up with a cup of eggnog or that unexpected kiss beneath the mistletoe, much receiving a present from that special someone. No, people look forward to Christmas because they know, it's time for miracles.

Someday, somehow..

Some days, the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, and probably, and when you least expect it, the whole world rights itself again.

Fear is what everyone has. We're scared as hell as to want somebody. It may not be enough for them, but we don't want them to date anyone else except us. That's it, except that we're afraid, but here we are, still wanting them anyway. But, fear means we have something to lose, right? Then we don't want to lose them.

I think, it's better to have someone, even if it hurts. Even if it's the most painful thing you've done, even if it's the most painful thing you had to do. I still think it's better to have someone.

Crinckle my nose

It's sad, that we always want something which we can't get.

I keep it to myself.

I've seen and looked at u many times around. We even shared minimal secrets in the dark. We are friends. Tick tock and here we are, still. The difference? Me.
This time when I looked at you, there was something new. How could I be so blind. Though we're only friends, I don't know when the feeling changed within my heart. I don't want to push you away, I'll keep it to myself.

Too late.

There's too many 'what if(s)'. I just don't know where to begin. More like can't.

All I know is that, I feel as though I'm missing a complete stranger. How do I let go of this rope?

Come back to me

Trust is a major fragile thing. Once earn, it afford us tremendous freedom. But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover.

But of course, the truth is, we never know who we can trust. Those we're closest to can betray us. And then total strangers comes to our rescue.

In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned.

Yet..again..

I'm just...not in the mood..screw fate.

Fairytales and bullsh*t

It was a good long talk with an old friend.

What I've said and learn: Everyone have a specific ideal person in their mind, and a fairytale. It's either you put those fairytale into fiction, our just simply adjust that fairytale to be fitted in into your reality. We have to make do with what we have.

The Consequences...

...OF DOING YOUR A JOB WITH A PERFECTIONIST IS HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!

It's freaking 4.23 am and I'm still sitting here, waiting for my classmate...to finish up..the freaking..ASSIGNMENT!!!!!!! Cos she wants it to be just..PERFECT!

My bed...my lovely bed....boohoo! and plus...Pooh! I wanna snuggle with Pooh..boohoo.

Me no likey school at this moment. Hmph! Me tempted to do coffee...*rub eyes and pout*

Listen to the rain of the rooftop..can you hear?

Every storm brings with it hope that somehow by morning, everything will be made clean again. And even the most troubling stains will have disappeared. Like the doubts over his innocence or the consequence of his mistake. Like the scars of his betrayal or the memory of his kiss. So you wait for the storm to pass hoping for the best even though you know in your hearts some stains are so indelible, nothing can wash them away.

The mucus that flows...

I've decided to bath after a whole day at home. I was just simply lazy and feeling dirty. But, I'm all clean now. Side effects: Flu.

I'm in the midst of doing Case Study when my classmate came online. One thing lead to another. From a complain, to a suggestion (since it can be a group project..you guys go figure), then to her not wanting, and suddenly she wants to see how I did it and ask for the materials, and then...Wa-la! She's doing half of it now. Brilliant. *Raise eyebrows and grin*

Our Mr Raaz, somehow managed to persuade me not to work on Saturday. I feel bad...*poutie*. But, I've already changed my shift to Friday, which means I have to skip school (that's bad too..very bad). But all is well...it's settled.

Same goes for my assignments! Hurray... *whistle and pop party poppers*! Relax, and what else should I do? Countdown!!!!! *points to the sidebar* Yes that "one". And this Friday.. *gasp!* Defected in The House with Claude Monnet!
Check his music here : www.claudemonnet.com

Ramly Ramly Ramly...that's all I can think of. *hmmm....*

Spaghetti routine of throwing and see which sticks longer on wall.

That's how bored I am.

The daily routine of stoning and lazing is making a turn on me. I'm getting bored of that. *Wonders...* Okie, that's just simply the moron side of me talking. Don't judge.

Counting down the days! Big party big party! Huraaaaaaayyyyy! *Hops around*...*pant pant*..*hops again!*. I have to get ready my "energizer batteries" for the whole night fun and fill me with toxics! *Look side to side*..not in a bad way toxics as in where they dump in the river or wad, no no, not that. Woooooo..! *Hops again!!!!*. Shangrila here I come!

*blurp blurp*

That's kinda the sound if I were to drown my head in the water.

My mind's tired and my body's aching. And I haven't got enough sleep. *Pout*

I wish life would be like a chalkboard where u write and able to erase errors. At least the marks of the chalks won't be that bad. Tick tock is taking something away every minute.

I think I should write a letter to Santa too like ChungDie. Make believes is so much better and fun.

It burns like a litted ciggie.

In some ways, we grow up - we have families. We get married...divorced...but for the most part, we still have the same problems that we did when we were fifteen. No matter how much we grow older, taller, wiser, we are still forever tumbling..and yet, forever wondering...
Then at some point, you're officially an adult. Suddenly, you're old enough to vote, drink, engaging in adult activities. Then, people expect you to be responsible, serious, a grown-up. We get taller, we do get older...but, do we really grow up?

Energizer is my only coffee. Right at this moment.

The new slogan for this week would be... "Nothing beats me to oblivion like Ramly Burger!" Yes, the feeling of having that cheap indulgence melt in your mouth is the most exhilarating feeling, ever! But messy is the price to pay.

I guess majority of the class DTHD 0703A is trying to have the possibility of getting their Accounting n Finance assignment done. I had my own tactics..hahaa! But, I am still wide awake at the most absurd hours ever, 6.00am. The smell of McDonalds's breakfast is making me famish. Right, I am in every Singaporean's favourite fast food restaurant.

I think I shall log off and head home. Tmr, would be a whol new day for Ramly! Munch munch!

Embracing pretence...

It's been a long time coming. And I can't stop now. Such a long time running, and I can't stop now. Do you hear my heart beating? Can you hear that sound? 'Cause I can't help thinking and I don't look down.
It's been a long time waiting. Such a long, long time. And I can't stop smling. No I can't stop now. And do you hear my heart beating? Can you hear that sound? 'Cause I can't help crying, and I won't look down.
And then, I looked up at the sun and I could see, the way that gravity turns on you and me. And then I looked up at the sun and saw the sky, and the way that gravity pulls on you and I, on you and I....

I'm not alone, I wish I was. 'Cause I'd known that I was down. I wish there was an over-the-counter-test for loneliness, for loneliness like this. Something's missing, and I don't know how to fix it. Something's missing, and I know what it is, but, I don't know how to fix it.

Maybe?

Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you?
Maybe I'm amazed at how you pulled me out of time, and hung me on the line.
Maybe I'm really amazed at the way I really need you?
Maybe I'm a boy, a lonely boy, who's in the middle of something that he does not understand.
Maybe I'm a boy and maybe you're the only one who could ever help me,
Won't you help me understand?
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you use to be with me all the time?
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you.

...maybe I'm truly amazed at how I really need you, and the way I love you...

All i need was words and actions to make it through the day...

I miss you..

Honest questions

I am opening up like a flower, to the rain now...

Do you know the silent sorrows of a never ending journey through the pain?
Do you see a brighter day for me? Another day? A day?
Do you know the story from the start?
And do you know me?
Do you wonder what's in store for me? The cure for me? The way?
Do you see the whisper in my heart against your kidness? My eternal blindness? Do you see?

Look down and see the tears that I've cried, the lives I've lived, the deaths I've died.
Would you die them too, and all for me?

The moon got lost again.

...I surrender everything,
to feel the chance to live again.

A thousand dreams I still believe,
but I can't make you give them all to me. I surrender...

Every night, it's getting longer.
And this pain is getting stronger.
I swallow my pride, and not be alive.
Can't you hear my call?
I surrender...

Right here, right now.
I give my life to live again.
I wanna break free...please take me.
My everything, I'll surrender all to you...

News is sad.

He heard the most absurd news. And I've tried...tried to hide it as much. I'm falling deeper into shithole. And grabbing on anything is the most possible thing ever. He asked why I didnt tell. I kept quiet. I'm sorry...

I guess somewhere deep inside, I miss him, and likes him. But to no ground I'm standing, I'm just finding a comfort zone. Something to lean on, something I guess I could just grab. I'm screwing up. I thought a decision made was a way for me to pick my life up from where it got screwed, but to no avail. I am sorry...

Pieces of my heart...

Can't you just be a partner for once?
Can't you just let me lean on you for once?

Words to make me okay...
Actions to make me feel good..

You just don't...

Have you ever?

The feeling of how you're always wanting something so badly, but it doesnt turn out ur way, sucks. Preferable as much, I wouldn't want anything. But as humans, we tend to ask. And when we ask, God gives it. And when we got it, we're always never satisfied.
We can't correct human mistakes, never. From what I'm experiencing myself, habits die hard. We tend to cause more repulsion than any explosions known to man kind. But, what happened when one turn scared, to let out his feelings? We can only open our big brown eyes, and let things passes by. It always seems easy to let it out. but not anymore when you've been in a situation where letting it out, was a mistake u made, pointed out by that someone.
So what can I do? Sit down..and hope, where all hopes have failed.